- 10 Ways Social Media is Ruining Your Life
- 1. YOU STOPPED CREATING BEFORE CONSUMING
- 2. YOU GIVE YOUR MOST PRECIOUS TIME OF THE DAY TO OTHERS
- 3. YOU TAKE IN TOO MUCH UNSOLICITED ADVICE
- 4. THE NOISE OF IRRELEVANT INFORMATION BECOMES DEAFENING
- 5. PEOPLE WILL CONSTANTLY OVERSTEP THEIR BOUNDARIES
- “top islands in Greece”“best accommodations in Bali?” “need help, going to Barcelona tomorrow!”
- 6. YOU’RE CONSTANTLY COMPARING YOUR VIRTUAL REALITY (SCREEN) TO YOUR VISUAL REALITY (REAL LIFE)
- 7. YOU’VE STARTED BELIEVING THE FABRICATED VERSIONS OTHERS ARE FEEDING YOU
- 8. YOU FOLLOW PEOPLE YOU DON’T EVEN , WAITING ON THEIR DOWNFALL
- 9. HAPPINESS IS THE ABSENCE OF DESIRE, AND YET SOCIAL MEDIA IS A TOOL MADE TO SHOW YOU ALL THE THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE
- 10. YOUR SELF-WORTH BECOMES PARALLEL TO YOUR ONLINE ENGAGEMENT
- Why Social Media is Ruining Your Life
- 7 Ways Social Media Is Ruining Your Social Life
- 15 Ways Social Media Is Destroying Your Happiness
- 15 A False Reality
- 14 Interrupted Sleep Patterns
- 13 Increased Anxiety Levels
- 12 You Are Constantly Being Sold To
- 11 Poor Real-Life Relationships
- 10 Poor Concentration
- 9 Lack Of Productivity
- 8 Over Analysing Every Decision
- 7 Not Allowing Yourself Any Privacy
- 6 Passive Aggressive Arguments
- 5 No Longer Enjoying Conversation
- 4 Misery Loves Company
- 3 Feeling Control
- 2 Envy Of Others
- 1 Holding On To Your Painful Past
- 5 Ways Social Media Can Destroy You
- Why Do We Give Up Easily?
- The Consequence of Giving Up Too Early
- 8 Things To Do When You Feel Giving Up
- 1. Remember Why You Started and How Much You Really Wanted It
- 2. Look Into the Reason Why You Want to Give Up
- 3. Picture in Your Mind the Ultimate Result
- 4. Make a Plan and Have a Backup
- 5. Find Support From Others
- 6. Be Grateful for the Good Things While Struggling
- 7. Celebrate Your Victories, No Matter How Small They Seem
- 8. Have Motivational Reminders Everywhere
- More Tips to Keep You Going
- 3 Ways Social Media Ruins Everything
10 Ways Social Media is Ruining Your Life
Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes
The irony isn’t lost on me, that someone who basically gets paid to create content for social media is telling you all how it’s essentially ruining your life. But stay with me here.
Because it’s not exactly social media that’s ruining your life, but rather, your relationship with it and the ways in which you consume it.
I was in denial for the longest about how much time I spent on social media, how often I checked it, and my emotional stability around it. It wasn’t until I took a 7-day social media detox, that I came to these conclusions.
If you're feeling drained, irritated, or overwhelmed any time you log onto any of your platforms, this is probably why… Click To Tweet
1. YOU STOPPED CREATING BEFORE CONSUMING
If you’re a content creator, blogger, or entrepreneur, this is especially applicable to you. How easy is it to wake up every morning and scroll your social media feeds before ever lifting a finger to your art, work, or things that bring you joy?
When you create content before you consume it, you allow your brain to unleash its inner-genius with the freedom to flow in any direction it wants, without getting trapped in the comparison game of everything around you.
2. YOU GIVE YOUR MOST PRECIOUS TIME OF THE DAY TO OTHERS
This was the hardest thing to comes to terms with. Every morning immediately after waking up, I rolled over and made sure that all my messages, comments, emails, and DMs were answered before anything else.
Being 6-12 hours ahead of most of my friends, clients, and sponsors meant that during my slumber, I missed a lot of communication.
Sometimes this took a few minutes — but more often than not, a few hours. Next thing you know, my 6AM wake up and ambition for the day is drained by 8:45 because I’ve now carried and took on the weight of others people’s questions and needs before my own.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love being a resource and friend to so many. But my best, most precious, and vital hours of every day needed to be invested in myself before anyone else.
So I got back into my morning routine of meditating (I use Simple Habit and Insight Timer — 5 minutes guided on Simple Habit, and 10 minutes of ocean waves on Insight Timer), journaling, Bible devotionals, podcasting, reading, and THEN opening my laptop or looking at my phone’s messages to see how I can be of service to others.
In order to truly serve others the way I know I’m capable of, I need to first be serving myself.
3. YOU TAKE IN TOO MUCH UNSOLICITED ADVICE
Let’s face it, the only thing worse than unsolicited advice is BAD unsolicited advice. And here I was, on the receiving end of the most repetitive, and slightly annoying suggestions every single day :
I love people’s enthusiasm for my destinations, but I could go without hearing how the most obvious attractions need to be my first stop.
It’s why I no longer post in real-time. So that I can do all the things that I truly want to do and see, without the cringe-worthy and unsolicited advice of others, and then post when I’ve gotten MY checklist out the way.
The way I travel has evolved from my $10/day budget that I started on, and I love to engage with cultures in a way that feels right to me at the time. Sometimes that’s through their cuisine, other times through their nightlife. It just depends on how I feel.
I don’t over-curate my itinerary when I’m not on a destination marketing campaign, so whether I’m watching the sunset on a hill or having champagne from a rooftop bar, I spend my time in countries in different ways. But I don’t think one way is better than another.
4. THE NOISE OF IRRELEVANT INFORMATION BECOMES DEAFENING
How many people and accounts do you follow that are literally just noise to your virtual ears? But if you see and hear it enough, it has the ability to silence the things most important to you.
There’s nothing worse than giving power to irrelevant people.
5. PEOPLE WILL CONSTANTLY OVERSTEP THEIR BOUNDARIES
My new favorite hobby is drawing boundaries, and my ideal first date would be to draw them together over wine. I digress.
But I’ve joked in the past about how I will get a comment about a DM, about an email, about an Instagram photo, and I just, no. Guys, no.
It’s as if I’ve become a secondhand Google, as people message me greeting-less phrases without hesitation …
“top islands in Greece”“best accommodations in Bali?”
“need help, going to Barcelona tomorrow!”
I love you. I really do. But this is NOT the way to engage with people on the Internet — especially ones you’ve never met in real life. It’s also my fault for not drawing and setting those boundaries early on, because when you become so accessible, you again, relinquish control of your time and start giving more of it to others, and to your detriment.
6. YOU’RE CONSTANTLY COMPARING YOUR VIRTUAL REALITY (SCREEN) TO YOUR VISUAL REALITY (REAL LIFE)
How many times have we seen people on dates, at attractions, or just in everyday life, experiencing something incredible before their eyes, but they rather be living in an alternate reality via whatever they’re experiencing through their screen.
It’s as if we’re on this never-ending search for more. More excitement. More euphoria. More ecstasy. Because what we currently have is seemingly never enough. A lesson on gratitude another day.
7. YOU’VE STARTED BELIEVING THE FABRICATED VERSIONS OTHERS ARE FEEDING YOU
How guilty are we of comparing our behind-the-scenes life to everyone else’s highlight reels? It’s why I’m so excited to publish posts My 10 Worst Travel Moments every year to remind you guys that nothing, I mean NOTHING anybody posts is 100% their real life. Including my own (as I write this looking I got hit by a bus and just a missed shower away from crackhead status).
As a content creator, I’m constantly drawing a line between what I feel is authentic to my voice, and what is professional from a business and brand perspective. It’s something I feel passionately about, and will continue to improve as I evolve in this industry.
8. YOU FOLLOW PEOPLE YOU DON’T EVEN , WAITING ON THEIR DOWNFALL
The amount of emotional energy we give to people that don’t matter is astonishing. How many people come across your feeds that sicken you? Alas, you continue to follow for the gossip, juice, and ability to get a front row seat to the train-wreck of their lives.
Join me today and go on a virtual purge and just unfollow and mute the accounts of people whose content doesn’t serve to educate, empower, or inspire you in any way.
It’s not personal, it’s necessary. Continuing to hate stalk someone is drinking poison and expecting THEM to die from it. Your logic is flawed. Free yourself.
9. HAPPINESS IS THE ABSENCE OF DESIRE, AND YET SOCIAL MEDIA IS A TOOL MADE TO SHOW YOU ALL THE THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE
When we’re constantly shown things we should have, places we should be, and emotions we should feel from all directions, it’s so easy to feel inadequate.
All of a sudden the book you just wrote doesn’t feel an accomplishment because someone else on your feed is a New York Times Best-Seller and you’re, well… not.
Please get rid of the idea that your achievements are lesser than because they're not packaged the same way X person's is. Click To Tweet
We’re all running in different lanes, yet we try to side-step and get into someone else’s when their possessions and prizes look shinier than ours — meanwhile, they just paid $10,000 to get their “prize” to look golden and shimmery. Catch my drift.
10. YOUR SELF-WORTH BECOMES PARALLEL TO YOUR ONLINE ENGAGEMENT
The amount of content creators I’ve met who are utter douchebags and divas is too many to count. Why? Because they believe their online following equates to real-life celebrity status.
They expect people to bow down to them, yield to their every word, and praise the ground they walk on.
My dear friend Lola wrote a great piece a few years ago about the danger of believing your own press (it’s seriously one of the most well-written pieces of the decade, and something I read at least quarterly).
Are we only going where we’re celebrated, or do we allow others who can challenge and evolve us to be locked our virtual lives because they’re not praising us the way we’ve been accustomed to hearing on our journey to the top?
Plain and simple, social media is ruining your life — BUT you don't have to let it. Here's how… Click To Tweet
I challenge you to uninstall your social media apps for a few days, even weeks if you’re really up for the detox, and see how much more freeing of a life is on the other side.
After 17 years of blogging, 6 years professionally, I had to come to terms with the fact that it’d be foolish and unsustainable to just give up social media cold turkey for months, I’ve been recently inspired to do.
So in the meantime, I’ll leave my apps uninstalled and log on via desktop when I absolutely must — no longer digesting it unnecessarily to pass time.
I’ll post and share updates when I’m called to, not because there’s a need to keep my engagement soaring and beat the algorithms (by the way, this word makes me itch — let’s kill the need to blame every waking flaw or failure about our social media strategies on the almighty A).
And instead, I’ll be blogging more regularly. At least a lot more regularly than last year. Something I admittedly got away from when my brand collaborations on social media and blog’s passive ad revenue was enough to meet my financial needs.
No more of that. Getting back to what brings me joy. And that’s writing. Connecting. Challenging. Reflecting. And diving deeper into the everyday idiosyncrasies of human behavior.
Though social media has arguably been the most transformative tool of our time, it’s subsequently the most damaging as well. But I hope this blog post gives you the ability to reflect on your own relationship with social media as you take ownership of your emotions to improve your overall mental health.
Thanks so much for reading and feel free to share the article, as well as your thoughts below.
Why Social Media is Ruining Your Life
I seriously don’t know how I punctuated my day before Instagram. Did I wake up in the morning, lie there for a bit and then just, you know, get up? Did I order a coffee and just stand there doing nothing whilst it was being made? What did I used to do in a bar on my own? On the bus? In the ad break? I literally have no idea.
You know things are getting really bad when you keep being reminded, ‘You’re All Caught Up’. On both your Instagram accounts.
So, in the spirit of being less crap (the kinder version of your ‘best life’), I have been doing some research on how we might be able to loosen the grip of the social media squeeze. The results have been smooshed and moulded into the following five reminders:
Remember it is not (all) your fault: First the good news. Yes, you may be a slave to your socials, but much psychological skullduggery has gone in to training you to be this way.
Using the principles originally categorised by Stanford’s Persuasive Technology Lab, which were created to foster better habits (smoking less, eating better), apps Instagram and use the same trigger/action/reward/investment model to keep you hooked.
From receiving a notification (trigger), double tapping on an image (action), getting s and comments (reward), to returning to do it all again 15 minutes later (investment), they have us leaping to attention a well-trained puppy. Talking of Dogs…..
Back in 1890, Russian psychologist, Ivan Pavalov, discovered that if he rang a bell every time he fed his dogs, they would associate this sound with dinner and salivate accordingly. All the alerts, bings and notifications on our devices have us acting the exact same way. We have been conditioned to respond immediately.
Because it has become imperative that we know in that very second that someone we barely know, who hasn’t posted for a while, has….drum roll….. now posted something.
And, despite the almost total CARE-FACTOR-ZERO, we will, in all lihood, still check what the f*ck they posted. A Deloitte study in 2016 revealed people look at their phones 47 times a day on average, with a number closer to 82 (!) for people under 30. And although I might be being told I am ‘all caught up’, most social apps are built with no end in sight, so we can legit scroll ourselves to death and literally be none the wiser.
How to Be Less Crap: Turn off your notifications (yes, all of them.) You will get SO much more done, I promise you.
For the last two hours I have concentrated solely on this post and as Cal Newport stresses in his excellent book, ‘Deep Work: Rules for Focussed Success in a Distracted World’, ‘activities performed in a state of distraction-free concentration push your cognitive capabilities to their limit.
These efforts create new value, improve your skill, and are hard to replicate.’ Save the mindless scroll for a mid-day break, or to wind down after a productive, UNdistracted day doing stuff that will get you closer to where you really want to be.
Remember it doesn’t (always) make you happy: Social comparison is one of the fundamental barriers to our well-being and yet, nothing allows us to feast so closely on our inadequacies than social media.
Look at them! Look at how much thinner, richer and happier they are than me! Rah, Rah, Rah, for their post-baby bodies, their unexpected promotions and their ski trips to Japan. Despite knowing that we may only be witnessing the filtered, highlighted version of these lives, all those toned abs, accolades and snow capped mountains still have an impact.
As clinical psychologist, Rachel Andrew, explained in a recent article, ‘we might know that these images and narratives that are presented aren’t real, we can talk about it and rationalise it – but on an emotional level, it’s still pushing buttons.
‘ Sadly, as well as creating a void, (I am not as good as they are), for many it also creates a need (maybe if I buy that bikini, cream or stupid gadget, I might be).
Most of you know that I can’t bear you wasting money on sh*t you don’t need, especially as it’s been scientifically proven to not to make you any happier. The same can’t be said for all the sponsored ads, celebrity endorsements and #ad-tastic influencers – just sayin’!
How to Be Less Crap: It’s the mindless scrolling that seems to be the major problem.
Whilst actively engaging in social media (posting, messaging, commenting, reconnecting with old friends) can be beneficial for our well being, the zombie digestion of words, images and videos is the true happiness zapper.
Ethan Kross, who conducted a study on social and its effects confirms, ‘The links between passive usage and feeling worse are very robust – we have huge data sets involving tens of thousands of people’. he says.
Going forward, maybe we should make a concerted effort to only follow stories and people that contribute to our time in a positive way. People and pages that teach us something (@estherperel), make us laugh (@jamescordon) or distract us..but in a good way (@chrishemsworth).
Remember that you don’t have to tell everyone: Look, I get it. I really do.
If you were a friend of mine on last November, when I spent a month in the Caribbean (I know!), you would have been bombarded with endless turquoise, rum-flavoured, tanned images that would have had you jealously sobbing your way to work on a cold, winters morning.
I am not immune to the allure of sharing, but after reading an excellent Wait, but Why post, ‘7 ways to be Insufferable on ’, I am starting to question my social media motives.
The posts it suggests we avoid are those that are image crafting, narcissistic, attention craving, jealousy inducing or any that stem from loneliness (so, pretty much all of them ;).
From the seriously dull ‘literal status update’ (‘off to the gym, then class reading’ – narcissism/loneliness) to the ‘ nowhere acceptance speech’ (‘I just want to say how thankful I am for all of you who have touched my life’ – attention craving), it seems there are endless ways we can be insufferable. Interestingly, recent studies have discovered the things we post can also can reveal the type of person we really are (click here to see what your gym selfie says about you).
How to Be Less Crap: I am not suggesting you stop posting your party snaps and holiday antics altogether (because where would the fun be in that?). However, there might be merit in us considering our motivations when doing so.
If we look at shifting the focus towards genuinely making people’s day a little better (the failed selfie vs the filtered, the great article you read, praise for something/someone else other than ourselves), then we will be well on our way to being slightly less pompous and painful.
Remember what it is taking from you: Most of us complain of never having enough time. We don’t have enough time to exercise, finish that project, start that hobby, prep those meals.
And yet we have time to spend an average of 1 day a week on our phones, much of it absorbing useless information or looking at stuff that makes us sad.
Acclaimed behavioural science writer Winifred Gallagher’s book, ‘Rapt’, makes the radical argument that the quality of your life depends not on fame or fortune, beauty or brains, fate or coincidence, but on what you choose to pay attention to.
And, if we are really honest, we are probably all guilty of paying too much attention (‘You are all caught up’) to social media. Gallagher urges us never to forget that, “Few things are as important to your quality of life as your choices about how to spend the precious resource of your free time.”
How to Be Less Crap: Try and be conscious of how you are spending your free time, and ask yourself honestly if it that time might be better used learning, creating, starting or finishing something else. Social media should be less of a meal and more of a snack.
Remember what you had before: A long, long time ago people stood up straight on public transport, looked people in the eye and sometimes even smiled. They used things called pens to write letters to people they actually knew and loved.
They called people on the telephone to tell them about their day, and weirdly those people nearly always picked up and spoke to them, talking to a person on the telephone was the most natural thing in the world.
They read real books and sometimes just sat still, not doing or looking at anything expect perhaps the world around them. Can you seriously imagine?
How to Be Less Crap: We will all be swallowed up by the technology monster eventually and new social media apps are vying for our attention all the time.
Some, Tik Tok bypasses the need for friends at all and just starts blitzing you with videos they think you will and then, what you watch, builds up an understanding of what you will . No real-life interaction required.
This may be OK for an app, but we must NEVER forget that the number one indicator of longevity and overall life satisfaction and happiness comes from REAL relationships. To stay healthy, humans need at least three to five significant relationships in their lives.
Proper, deep relationships with people they can touch and feel. Who they can call up at 3am in tears or who are genuinely thrilled to celebrate in their successes. Because there are going to be plenty of times in life when a virtual thumbs up or love heart just won’t cut it.
This GET HAPPIER post is brought to you by someone who thanks Instagram for taking the day off yesterday & reassuring us we could all survive without it. #timing
7 Ways Social Media Is Ruining Your Social Life
Social media has become a part of our daily routine as much as brushing our teeth or putting on shoes. The irony is that social media can stop you from having an exciting social life.
Think about it this way: Every time you look down to check your phone, not only does gravity pull down your face, but your next BFF or love interest could pass you by.
Here are seven ways social media could be ruining your life at this very moment.
See also: Instagram vs. Vine: Pros, Cons, and Tips
Candy Crush is a Hobby
If this is you after finally beating level 65 of Candy Crush, then you need a productive hobby. This game is highly addicting and fun, but it shouldn't be the source of your happiness.
Here are questions to ask yourself: “How is this helping my life?” “How would my crush feel knowing I'm on level 98?” “Wow, did I really spend actual money for virtual lives?” Solution: Limit the candy crushing. Dust off that guitar and learn how to play it.
Go for a walk. Go write an outline for that book you've been talking about.
“Liking” People, Events or Places, but Never Pursuing Them
We all have that one guy or girl who we secretly occasionally stalk on various networks. Instead of pursuing them, we their pictures ( creeps). Same goes for events invites on .
This is ruining your social life. It's called a social network for a reason. Message that person, or go to the event. You never know; it could be fun.
Decoding and Overthinking Punctuation and Emoticons
This is one way to completely destroy your social life. Time spent wondering why the person you're interested in didn't put a smiley or an exclamation point or why they take so long to text me back is a waste. Do they hate you? No.
Different people have their own styles of texting. The main focus should be the context of the text. If you're freaking out about that, too, then call them instead. Sometimes people are better talkers than texters.
Before jumping to conclusions, make sure you have a valid point.
Checking/Updating Every Five Minutes
If you're that person who would rather be on their phone than actually engaging in a conversation with a real human being, then you're probably hated. Okay, so maybe you're not that extreme. Checking your phone once in a while is completely fine, but when you make it a habit, it's a problem.
Nobody needs to know the minute-by-minute status of your relationships or how empty your heart is ever since The Office ended. (Okay, that's acceptable.) Leave some room for mystery. Don't update so often. Make people wonder what you're doing.
Bragging About s/Followers/Comments
This is a Vine I posted celebrating my Vine victory. As you can see, I was quickly brought back to reality. Being #VineFamous is awesome, but what is there to be proud of? Human interaction is good for the soul. Step away from the phone and enjoy your friends.
All Dolled Up with No Place to Go/Duck Faces
Saving your best outfits, hair, or makeup for an Instagram picture. Don't get us wrong, we get dressed up for no reason, but for an Instagram picture? One more thing about pictures: duck face.
If you're pouting your lips or throwing up a peace sign, you're probably getting unfollowed at this very moment. Break the mold! Show your teeth and smile.
Maybe even throw in a goofy face once in a while.
Staying Up Late
We've all been to that weird part of . It's one in the morning and you can't stop watching episodes of Dr. Phil. When you wake up, you feel hungover . . . from too much .
After that, you're late for work, then class, and then for the rest of the day, you've got the grumps. Solution? Shut off the phone or computer. Get some rest.
The Internet will still be there when you get back. Promise.
Follow Jackalope Ranch on , and Pinterest.
15 Ways Social Media Is Destroying Your Happiness
It's fair to say that social media, despite still being relatively new to the world, has impacted us all in ways nobody could have seen coming. You can now open a profile on , , , Instagram, Pinterest, Tumblr, Snapchat, Periscope, WhatsApp – have we missed any? You might use social media for work or for personal reasons, but you should always remember to use it with caution.
If someone dares to mention that they do not have any social media accounts then we become instantly suspicious.
What are they really hiding? How do they keep in touch with people? We find them mysterious and can't believe someone would actively choose not to engage in social media.
There's no logic behind our opinion at all and maybe, if we rethought their right to make that decision, they are actually some of the happiest people in the world.
Psychologist Dr. Paul Durlofsky wrote for Main Line Today, “Although social media relationships can have a positive effect on us emotionally, numerous studies have been conducted linking social networking to depression, social isolation, eliciting feelings of envy, insecurity and poor self-esteem.” Here are some shocking and quite disturbing ways that social media can effect us mentally.
15 A False Reality
Let's be honest: social media is mostly full of humble brags. You can't scroll once through your news feed without reading, “Can't believe I got the job!” or “Look at my new car/house/handbag!” People use social media to feed their own egos and glorify their day to day lives.
Rarely will you hear people be honest and confess that things aren't going very well in their relationship or that they are having problems with family. This can leave a social media user feeling very low as they think, “Why do bad days only happen to me and nobody else.” Don't forget to keep focused on what is reality and never doubt that you aren't able to achieve too.
14 Interrupted Sleep Patterns
Lack of sleep has been linked to ongoing depression, obesity, cardiovascular disease and diabetes.
According to a report by Business Insider, 25% of people do not silence their phone before they go to sleep at night.
They also discovered that 10% of people are woken by messages and a staggering 50% of people look at their phone if they wake up in the middle of the night.
Holding a luminous screen just inches away from your nose when you're trying to sleep doesn't help either. How can you sleep better? It's time to get old fashioned – have a bath, put your pyjamas on and read a book under lamplight. This will stop your mind from looking over at the endless amount of information available on the internet.
13 Increased Anxiety Levels
Social media takes up a lot of space in our minds with extra worries and anxieties about how we present ourselves to the outside world.
You take a Sunday afternoon selfie and upload it to Instagram then after 15 minutes receive just one .
Instead of thinking logically that most people will be having dinner with family, you just automatically assume that your selfie was hideous and everyone is against you.
Often our anxiety can also be caused by knowing that we are up to no good. Author Bibi Deitz wrote for The Rumpus, “I used to live in fear that, when I stalked people, I’d mistakenly type their name in the “What’s on your mind?” box and press enter.”
12 You Are Constantly Being Sold To
A major problem with indulging in social media is that you are, believe it or not, a consumer. You have free access to these services because you are constantly surrounded by adverts and the latest must-have products. Having so much choice thrown at you can prompt over-spending as we are only two clicks away from purchasing online.
However, spending money on materialistic goods can leave you feeling miserable. In an article for Psychology Today, lecturer Steve Taylor explained, “No matter how much we get, it's never enough. As Buddhism teaches, desires are inexhaustible. The satisfaction of one desire just creates new desires, a cell multiplying.”
11 Poor Real-Life Relationships
Some of us share the most intimate details of our lives with absolute strangers. Sure, maybe that housemate you once shared a place with three years ago for two weeks got on really well with – but did you really become that close?
Instead of making an effort with a friend's birthday, you now just send them a quick “HB!” You also won't attend their party unless they make a proper event and invite you online. Forgetting about the people who really matter and instead caring about the opinions of people you hardly know will eventually detach you from what really matters.
10 Poor Concentration
Ten years ago the average attention span was twelve minutes long, nowadays studies have shown that this has dropped to as low as five minutes.
The reason behind this is that our brains are becoming rewired to adapt to this technological age.
The thought process used online is different to that when reading a novel, in short – you don't have to think hard when reading online.
Many people struggle to stick to long tasks as we are so used to being distracted online every few minutes.
As technology is advancing each day, we can't expect any future rise in our ability to concentrate and will just have to settle for it shortening over time.
As Albert Einstein said, “I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.”
9 Lack Of Productivity
You open your computer to do work, then BOOM you have been sucked into the internet and now it's hours of cat videos instead of working on that important project. People who don't let social media get in the way of productivity do this by scheduling only three sessions of five minutes a day.
In this time you can reply to messages, check up on family and update on your day. If there is an emergency that needs your attention, then those that matter will have your personal contact numbers and you should no longer feel tied down to social media.
8 Over Analysing Every Decision
Often when we are on social media it can feel as if the entire world is watching. One simple selfie of you smiling at the camera in your swimsuit can begin an hour of scrutiny.
Instead of just uploading a picture of you enjoying the moment, the eyes can wander over the legs, the arms and the hair always finding problems. Over-thinking our every move will steal happiness from us as we should just enjoy letting go.
7 Not Allowing Yourself Any Privacy
The lack of transparency that we are expected to have online has grown rapidly in expectations over the years. is always trying to improve the privacy issues that users have but if you are active online then these problems won't ever go away.
All our personal information, current locations, family members and place of work is encouraged to be displayed on our profiles. Our photographs are uploaded and almost anyone can see what we are up to. Employers are now in the habit of checking up on candidates before they arrange an interview. Feeling so exploited can lead to feelings of insecurity and vulnerability in the long term.
6 Passive Aggressive Arguments
Confrontation is easier online as you don't have to be directly opposite your opponent. Emotionally, over time, this can have a serious negative impact as even passive aggressive attacks still hurt.
A standard online argument is a bitter battle in private messages followed by a swift unfollow.
Then there are other fights which are played out in front of others, comments piling in as you battle it out with a frenemy.
Funnily enough, despite you both hating each other you still won't use the block button so you can keep an eye out for any bitching. This is a sure sign that social media might not be a happy place for you.
5 No Longer Enjoying Conversation
How many times have you been to dinner with friends and instead of conversing around the table everyone just has their heads stuck staring at phones? If anyone does speak up about something that happened then they might be greeted with, “Oh, we know – saw it on .”
In other cases, there might be someone who's life you read about every day in your news feed but if you passed them on the street you would barely look at each other. Instead of chatting with those sat next to us on public transport, we instead bury our heads in our online world and forget about those around us.
4 Misery Loves Company
A place where billions of people go to connect is surprisingly the loneliest place in the world. According to the Daily Mail researchers found that lonely people are more attracted to social media than others.
Professor Hayeon Song from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee reported, “‘Compared to non-lonely people, lonely people spend more time on . Lonely individuals who are shy or have low social support may turn to to compensate for their lack of social skills and/or social networks in face-to-face settings.”
3 Feeling Control
Could you imagine being on a long journey with no phone battery or access to your social media accounts? It's enough to make you wake in the middle of the night screaming. There are many people who struggle with disconnecting online.
Many of us are struck with mild panic when you see a notification that reads, “Your friend recently you in a photo.” Feeling control on social media is normal behaviour, but allowing these anxieties to take over your life is not and you should control how long you spend online.
2 Envy Of Others
It is an integral part of our nature to constantly compare ourselves to others. Just one look on Instagram and we are left feeling inadequate. You may feel as if you're not attending enough cool parties, keeping up with the latest trends or working out hard enough at the gym. All these feelings can lead to you feeling very envious of others.
According to a statistic published by the Daily Mail, one in five social media users admit they compare themselves to others “based purely on the status updates, pictures and messages from their 'friends' on social media sites.”
1 Holding On To Your Painful Past
Holding on to the past can be painful. We are all guilty of stalking from time to time, the reason why is because it's just too easy to snoop at pictures and secretly spy on the life of an ex. This could be damaging you emotionally more than you allow to let on.
The deeper issue is that you are actually addicted to your ex. Jim Pfaus, professor of psychology at Concordia University reported, “Love is actually a habit that is formed from sexual desire as desire is rewarded.
It works the same way in the brain as when people become addicted to drugs.
” To help you recover from your relationship, you will need to no longer feed your underlying addiction and, which is going to be very hard, just go cold turkey.
Sources: therumpus.net, businessinsider.com, dailymail.co.uk
NextAre You Getting Ghosted? 10 Signs That It Is Happening To You
5 Ways Social Media Can Destroy You
Last Updated on April 22, 2020
a lot of people, I have felt the urge to give up on something. It’s easy to get to a point where it seems as though the time you’ve invested in a dream or goal and the time of fruition can be very daunting.
There are cycles of excitement, enthusiasm, creativity, and they are followed by despair, discouragement, and the desire to quit.
Why Do We Give Up Easily?
Our brains are wired to giving up easily, it’s normal. Human beings are believed to act upon the “Pleasure Principle,” the instant gratification:
Instant gratification is the desire to experience pleasure or fulfilment without delay or deferment. Basically, it’s when you want it; and you want it now.
Our brains are wired to immediate rewards in return. We’re born to look for instant gratification because in the ancient times, getting immediate benefits was essential for survival. We are very much present-oriented, and so when we’re not getting what we want immediately, we get anxious and want to give up.
Yes, so once in a while, wanting to give up is normal. But giving up is not okay.
Maybe you’re disappointed or tired because you haven’t succeeded yet after lots of trials, or maybe you’re experiencing one of these: Why We Lose Motivation Once in a While and How to Fix It
But don’t you give up yet because nothing worth having comes easy.
The Consequence of Giving Up Too Early
Instant success is a myth, always. Many successful people failed hundreds of times, if they chose to give up instead of working harder to reach their goals, they would never succeed.
For example, Walt Disney had been fired by a newspaper editor before because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” If he gave up imagining and dreaming about big ideas, he wouldn’t have found the successful Disney business.
And let’s take the famous soccer player David Beckham as another example. He had a down time after he received a red card in the World Cup match against Argentina in 1998.
The England team couldn’t make it to the next round and everyone hated him and blamed him for that.
If Beckham gave up playing soccer, we wouldn’t see the successful player leading different teams and becoming one of the most legendary players in history.
If you give up now, you’re giving up the very bright future and great results you will get.
Find out in this article why Giving up Is Not an Option.
8 Things To Do When You Feel Giving Up
Do what your future self will thank you for, not regret. Here’re 8 things to do when you feel you want to give up.
1. Remember Why You Started and How Much You Really Wanted It
Think back to the moment that this project, goal, or concept was conceived. Remember the joy and thrill of the adventure ahead? At the beginning, you had a goal in mind; a beautiful picture etched in your mind of the finished task. Beginning was simple; carrying through has become difficult.
Going back to the beginning brings into focus the purpose of your endeavor. The memory of anticipation of the job accomplished is stirred up again when you begin to contemplate the reason you began in the first place. Breathe in deep and recall your purpose.
Here’re some tips to help you: How to Stay Consistent and Realize Your Dreams
2. Look Into the Reason Why You Want to Give Up
The feelings of wanting to quit can be overwhelming. The generalized feeling isn’t clear; look at the reasons why you want to quit.
Are you physically tired? Have you been consumed with things and not taken care of yourself in the process? Do you feel little support? Are you lacking ability? Have you come up against some difficulties that you are unprepared for? Do you need to just take a step back before continuing on?
There are many reasons why you may want to quit. Be diligent in figuring out what the real issues are and tackle them specifically. Once you see what is causing the feeling, you can address it.
Try to do an audit of your life and figure out the reason: How to Get Your Life Back on Track When Things Are Control
3. Picture in Your Mind the Ultimate Result
Keep in your mind the picture of the end result. A visualization of what you want to accomplish will keep you moving forward. I mean, seriously, you don’t want to stop partway through. The feeling of being a quitter isn’t pleasant. You are a winner! Remember the slogan: the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat!
Whenever you want to quit, ask yourself, do you want the thrill of victory? Or would you rather the agony of defeat? Press on; you can do this.
This is how you can stay motivated and persevere even during the difficult times.
4. Make a Plan and Have a Backup
Before you undertake anything, always have an outlined plan of action.
There are various ways this can be done. You can write a list, make a breakout chart, or form a checklist for tasks completed along the way. By having a plan in place, when you feel giving up you can look at the plan and refocus on the steps needed to reach the goal.
Also, have a backup plan in mind before beginning; this way when you are frustrated and want to give up, you will have an alternative plan to put in action.
Life will knock you down sometimes, but don’t give up!
5. Find Support From Others
Don’t isolate yourself or hide your feelings of frustration, and don’t be afraid to seek support from others. Reach out to family, friends, co-workers or even online forums to find someone that you can talk to and rid yourself of what is dragging you down and causing you to want to quit.
I promise there are so many other people out there that are struggling with feelings of doubt, fear and frustration just you are. Finding another person who has gone through a similar crisis will strengthen your resolve and help you get back on course.
Here’re more ways to help you feel inspired: How to Feel Inspired When You’ve Lost Motivation
6. Be Grateful for the Good Things While Struggling
Yes, you may feel giving up. Yes, you are struggling. Yes, you are overwhelmed at the moment. I know this may seem a strange thing to say, but remember to be grateful. This is essential in a resilient mindset.
Whenever you feel giving up, stop and make a list of the things you are grateful for in your life. You have so much positivity in your life to be thankful for.
When you shift your focus to becoming grateful for all things, tasks that seem overwhelming take on a new light. The way you look at the situations around you depends on the attitude with which you view them.
Take on an attitude of gratitude and you will be amazed at the difference it makes.
Learn how to be more resilient: 17 Ways for Building Resilience and Staying Tough
7. Celebrate Your Victories, No Matter How Small They Seem
You deserve to acknowledge all the victories that you have made along the way. Instead of feeling overwhelmed at all that you have left to do, write out a list of accomplishments you have already completed, no matter how small they may seem.
By celebrating your progress, you will renew your energy to complete what you are doing. When you see all that you have done, it will excite you to take further action until the finish line.
Don’t give up!
8. Have Motivational Reminders Everywhere
Here’re some of my favorite motivational quotes, make them your wallpaper or just have the quotes stuck on your desk! Just don’t give up! Never, ever give up!
Never give up on something you really want. It’s difficult to wait but more difficult to regret.
The expert in anything was once a beginner.
Everyone must choose one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.
Crawling is acceptable. Falling is acceptable. Pain is acceptable. Quitting is now.
Don’t give up what you want most in life for something you think you want now.
More Tips to Keep You Going
Featured photo credit: Galen Crout via unsplash.com
3 Ways Social Media Ruins Everything
Social media has completely transformed a range of our life experiences. Consider travel: It's not just that dodging selfie sticks makes navigating attractions harder, but tourists often no longer even gaze at the monuments, piazzas, or works of art. Instead, they turn their backs and look at themselves on a screen.
The experience of art and history has been replaced with the experience of a digital representation of those things. We spend more time thinking about how other people will perceive our adventures than actually having them.
These days, the urge to check social media may be stronger than the urge for sex—although both are driven by a need to connect.
After food and shelter, our need to belong and feel positively connected to others is arguably the Number One predictor of well-being, happiness, health, and even longevity.
Trying to connect in the virtual sphere, though, is actually counterproductive. Here are three ways virtual connection is ruining your real-life relationships:
1. You've lost the moment.
What do you do on social media? You share moments—moments of joy, of friendship, humor, and beauty. Ironically, by engaging with social media, you lose the moment. In your quest to connect virtually, you disconnect from your reality and the people in it.
You lose the experience of happiness in the process of trying to refine your smile for public consumption. Your attachment to positive reinforcement through s and comments will keep you detached.
We're happiest when our mind is in the present moment, not when it’s wandering off somewhere. Truly savoring a positive experience—fully immersing yourself in it—enhances the experience and the happiness you derive from it. As soon as you pull out that selfie stick, you’ve lost it. You’ve effectively pressed pause on the moment.
2. It's addictive and self-absorbing.
Instead of deriving pleasure from your experiences and the people around you, you seek it—along with validation—from your phone. Your brain’s pleasure centers also respond positively to novelty, of which social media offers a constant stream via constant new interactions, new posts, and new pictures.
Ironically, a tool meant to connect you with others makes you feel isolated and obsessed over the appearance you're making, the responses you’re getting, and the impressions you are giving. (Was what I wrote OK? Why aren’t there more s?) Authentically connecting with others has numerous benefits.
Self-focus, on the other hand, is associated with anxiety and depression.
Instead of deriving pleasure from your experience—say, travel—your device becomes your main source of pleasure. Unwittingly, it makes you less connected and more narcissistic, and with that comes a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows caused by obsessive attention-seeking.
3. It's actually harmful to relationships.
One study found that the mere presence of a cellphone while two people are talking interferes with their feelings of closeness, connection, and communication. We are profoundly social creatures wired to connect with others.
We are exquisitely fine-tuned to understand people by internalizing the smallest changes in their body language and faces. We automatically mirror and mimic these movements, creating a sense of understanding toward the feelings of others.
This is why you cringe when you see someone fall on the street or why you feel sad when you see someone’s eyes filling with tears.
If devices interfere with your conversations, you undermine your own ability to connect with others. You miss the flicker of emotion in your child’s eye, the look of exasperation on your partner's face, or a friend's attempt to share something meaningful with you. In theory, social media is designed to connect us. In reality, it acts as a barrier.
It’s fairly simple: Our impulse to broadcast our lives makes us miss out on them. So on your next vacation, leave your selfie stick at home, take your social media apps off your smartphone, and lose yourself in the experience. Then you might actually do something worth writing home about.
Read more about the science of happiness in The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success.
This post was first published on MindBodyGreen.